And YES, love is definitely WORK!!! As we’ve mentioned, the very definition of work is an activity that involves physical and mental effort to achieve a purpose or result! So, confirmed—if we want to find love or make it work, we have to put in the work!
But what is love? I believe love—and our perception or idea of it—has also changed over time with different generations and eras. This brings many advantages, but it also makes us forget some foundations that I consider important. So let’s talk about LOVE TODAY, from MY EXPERIENCE and OPINION.
The idea of love mainly starts from the example we see growing up and the environment that surrounds us. For instance, if we grow up in a home where mom and dad love each other, we start analyzing and learning in a certain way from their actions, attitudes, and how they resolve problems. Or maybe we grow up in a home with only one parent, or where we take reference from grandparents, uncles, aunts, or others around us. Or maybe we grow up without a father or mother figure. There are countless scenarios that shape our first understanding of what LOVE means!
ALL of this starts influencing us and giving us an initial idea of the word’s meaning!
Another reference point is the media—movies, series, etc.—what we’re surrounded by or what we consume. For example, in the past, we saw stories of a prince and a princess, where the princess usually needed to be rescued, and everything magically or heroically fell into place, leading to a perfect ending: “THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER.”
But as we look inward and beyond our environment, as we grow, we begin to seek, develop, feel, and understand our own version of what love is.
1. At first, we see it in activities and things we enjoy—things that make us feel good. From there, we connect with people who share our interests, and naturally, that creates a connection.
2. Or we go the visual route—the most handsome or the most beautiful person catches our eye, like the prince or princess—and we think destiny will take care of the rest… everything will just fall into place, haha.
But then we realize that sometimes the heart and our feelings lead us without reason—or at least not for either of those two reasons—and it’s only when we start giving ourselves the chance to experience first relationships (innocent and early ones) that we begin to learn or define what love is for us—TRIAL AND ERROR, haha. And from there, we start understanding and deciding, directly or indirectly, what we want in life.
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Directly: We define it based on our experiences, making a list of what we DO and DO NOT want to experience in love. If we truly know what we want and who we want, we go for it.
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Indirectly: More like “going with the flow,” which I think is the most COMMON or NATURAL way—meaning the places we go, the people we meet, how we act, and the decisions we make lead us to relationships and love stories. And here too, we learn from good and not-so-good experiences.
But whether it’s one way or the other, once we start experiencing love, we need to revisit something we talked about in the previous episode: to have a better chance of SUCCESS, we must know ourselves VERY, VERY well—know who we are, what our non-negotiables are, and what we can be flexible about when it comes to love.
Why? Because for me, there are no princes and princesses, no ideal man or woman who meets EVERYTHING we idealize or are told is “right.” WE ARE HUMANS! Men, women, etc., who, as we learn, work on ourselves, get to know ourselves, and define what we want, can reduce the margin of error or grow with our partner. But even then, we will NEVER be “PERFECT” (nor should we want to be, in my opinion), and PERFECT RELATIONSHIPS do not exist—because perfection, to begin with, is subjective and only adds a mountain of expectations to something that is already COMPLEX—or let’s call it INTERESTING.
So, starting from this, it’s VERY important to accept and define:
What do I expect, what do I want, and what do I NOT want as my love story unfolds? This isn’t something you have all figured out from the beginning—but you refine it as you live it! I’ll repeat it: WHAT I WANT AND WHAT I DON’T WANT IS BUILT AND POLISHED AS I LIVE IT! But → YOU HAVE TO GIVE YOURSELF THE OPPORTUNITY TO EXPERIENCE IT!!
It’s important to open up, take risks, and LET GO OF FEAR—even when we have a clear idea of what we’d love or what we love in the person we choose to share love with. We also have to be WILLING to WORK on or live with and be flexible about the parts, attitudes, and actions that, for us, don’t make the list—these so-called “flaws.”
Because I repeat: WE ARE HUMAN! And because each of us has a different story and different definitions of what’s “good” and “not so good.”
If we insist on idealizing, trying to transform, or expecting someone to arrive who meets EVERYTHING we think will make us completely and eternally happy—or everything we believe we deserve—then we’re missing the point. As we also mentioned in the previous episode…
Love is about collaboration, constant negotiation, continuous change, and growth!!
So, what defines SUCCESSFUL or IDEAL LOVE for me, up to this day, is an IMPERFECT couple who CHOOSES to embark on life together—who CHOOSES to STAY, GROW, and EVOLVE together! And if we chose WELL, and life, our actions, and circumstances brought us here, then it’s to VALUE each other and WORK constantly to make each other better versions of ourselves!
Starting from love, respect, and, VERY IMPORTANT and ESSENTIAL: COMMUNICATION!
Now that this is clear, I’d like to extend the conversation…
If we’re fortunate enough to be in a position where we’ve found love—or even if we’re still searching—it’s important to understand that we live in a time where, as I’ve mentioned in other episodes, love, relationship roles, and technology have changed.
This means we now have tools to EMPOWER our relationships—or damage them. I won’t focus so much on technology, but rather on roles.
Today, we live in a new version of man and woman—or couples—where the man no longer has to be the sole provider, and the woman no longer has to manage the home exclusively (or vice versa). Now we’ve reached—or are approaching—a point where the OPTION OF EQUALITY IS OPEN—based on the idea that “WE ARE EQUALLY CAPABLE.” And not only seen that way, but acting that way—in terms of abilities, roles, worth, freedom, etc. But in love, this also changes the rules and roles.
And it gets a little confusing—or interesting—because part of us wants, for example, the bravery of the prince or the traditional masculine role, but we also want the empowerment of the princess or feminine side. So, we ask for and expect a lot from each other now. BUT, even if it’s confusing, I think this is VERY GOOD because now both partners can support and complement each other as a team. The man takes on new roles, like greater participation in the home, family, leisure, emotions, and the woman enters the world of economics, organization, etc. So both sides form a more COMPLETE and BALANCED TEAM.
But NOW MORE THAN EVER, as I mentioned earlier, COMMUNICATION within the team is ESSENTIAL. My husband and I have analyzed this lately—since both partners are doing so much and being so flexible with roles and activities, now we feel a sense of mutual deserving, which leads to:
“OK, I’m doing all this.
And he/she is doing all that.
So, who pampers who? Who deserves more? Who’s more essential?”
But again, we need to look for balance and understand teamwork on a deeper level. And if we stay consistent, we PAMPER each other, SUPPORT each other, and FLEX for each other—and THIS IS WHERE THE MAGIC LIES. It’s something that’s been worked on for years.
Where tasks, responsibilities, details, and roles are divided more fairly, allowing both partners to take on multiple roles—not just one. Both figures are valued and respected, and we can build a better present and future together!
So, I invite you to reflect:
- What does love mean to YOU?
- What expectations do you have about it?
- What are your non-negotiables, and where can you be flexible when entering this dynamic of love?
- Are you truly willing to grow and build with someone else?